Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

As a college professor, Dr. Nagoski has grown accustomed to fielding personal questions. She views all these questions as different versions of the same inquiry: “Am I normal?” (2). While Come as You Are attempts to respond to the myriad topics that people present her with, its resounding answer to that question is “yes.”

Dr. Nagoski believes that Western narratives about sex have sent the wrong message. They have emphasized male sexuality over female sexuality and have downgraded the female orgasm as a lesser experience. Assumptions about male sexuality and desire were wrongly transferred to women. For example, the fact that men can achieve orgasm during vaginal intercourse developed a narrative that women, also, should achieve orgasm in this way. Despite the differences in the mechanics of their sexualities, men and women have many things in common. Both experience responsive desire and may experience orgasm.

Changing the narrative requires a scientific understanding of sex. Dr. Nagoski asserts that the biggest problem is that the Western narrative of sex has aligned it with behavior rather than the various processes that comprise it. Physiological behaviors include heart rate and blood flow, while social behaviors govern “what we do in bed, whom we do it with, and how often” (3-4).