Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

In addition to the context of the moment, preexisting emotional states have an influence on what Dr. Nagoski describes as “wanting.” Both stress and love have high impacts on arousal and desire. Stress and stressors are not the same thing. Stressors describe the experiences and stimuli that activate the stress response, such as worrying about money. Stress refers to the changes in the brain and body in reaction to stressors. Stress response can exhibit itself in three ways: fight, flight, or freeze. Once the stress response is complete, an animal’s body must complete the stress cycle by releasing the brakes.

Stress can inhibit the ability of women to have an interest in sex and orgasm. When a person is stressed, all stimuli—including stimuli ordinarily presumed positive—can be interpreted as threatening. When humans enter a state of stress, their brains reconfigure; this means that sexual arousal may be blocked by the brain to focus on what it perceives as most important: survival. However, some humans may attempt to manage negative emotions by seeking behaviors that carry a high risk, including sex.

Dr. Nagoski argues that the best way to combat stress is by letting it complete its cycle.