In My Dreams I Hold A Knife

Starting with the “knife” in the title, language relating to sharp objects is symbolic throughout the novel. These sharp objects—whether a pair of scissors, an arrow, or a stiletto heel—create a staccato beat through the text, which never goes too long without introducing another form of emblematic language. These words serve as a reminder of the violence Heather endured and the brutality of being stabbed 17 times with a pair of crafting scissors. For example, when Courtney demeans Jessica at the reunion, Jessica says, “The words were like blades in my chest” (125). It also reinforces the rage and anger Heather inspired in Jessica and Jessica inspired in Mint.

As Jessica’s memory returns, she starts to remember numbers, counting down and up to 17, the number of Jessica’s stab wounds. She starts to think she is the killer, but the last pages of the novel reveal she is wrong. The numbers represent the elevator going down as she decides she will not help Heather. Counting is a motif that reflects the novel’s theme of The Psychology of Memory and Shame. It expresses the fallibility of memory, especially when the mind tries to protect itself from an awful truth.