Stupid Fast

Unable to sleep, Felton Reinstein bounces on his bed one late August night, wondering where to begin his story. It is 1:03am. Felton hints that his story could be “dark,” because his dad died by suicide 10 years ago and Felton, then only five, found the body. But his tale may not be so solemn because, he says, “I’m me.” He decides to begin his tale from the previous November.

That November, when Felton is a sophomore, he goes through puberty. His voice drops, he grows body hair, he outgrows his clothes, develops a huge appetite, and he wants to sleep all the time. He also becomes “stupid fast.” His “hippy” mom, Jerri, who works as a crossing guard, yells at Felton for sleeping and for yelling at his 13-year-old brother, Andrew. Frustrated by all the shouting at home and his physical changes, Felton runs as hard as he can during a physical fitness test and beats everyone else. Jerri, who saw the race, thinks Felton’s speed is a gift from “the Universe.” It did not come from his dad, who was a “sweet, fat American Jew” (5). Felton realizes that Jerri is acting more strangely than usual, but is not worried, as she has always been eccentric.