Swimming in the Dark

Swimming in the Dark by Tomasz Jedrowski is a work of literary fiction that follows protagonist Ludwik as he struggles to accept his sexuality and keep alive a relationship with his lover, Janusz, in an increasingly repressive communist Poland. The novel focuses on themes related to the Cold War and LGBTQIA+ identity, including the antagonism of Cold War politics and the inner turmoil and conflict Ludwik and Janusz feel as they struggle with shame related to their sexuality. Jedrowski’s debut novel, Swimming in the Dark, was initially published by William Morrow on February 6, 2020. Jedrowski was born in West Germany to Polish parents and studied at Cambridge before moving to Paris. He enjoys exploring local history and national identity in his works. Swimming in the Dark was a finalist for the Polari First Book Prize in 2021.

This guide is based on the first William Morrow Paperback Edition published in 2021.

Content Warning: The source text and this guide discuss instances of antisemitism and anti-LGBTQIA+ bias.

Plot Summary

In America, Ludwik cannot sleep, thinking of Janusz back in Poland. On the radio, he hears that martial law is declared in Poland because of strikes organized by the rising trade union, Solidarność. Ludwik begins writing to Janusz, unable to forget him, though he does not know if Janusz will ever read it. He begins with the story of Beniek.

As a boy of nine in Wrocław, Ludwik becomes friends with a boy named Beniek as they prepare for First Communion. They play together, exploring the city, and at times, Ludwik feels attracted to Beniek, wanting to see him naked. At their overnight excursion with the church, Ludwik even pulls Beniek close to him when the lights go off. He wants to kiss him but doesn’t. Afterward, he feels intense shame. On the day of their First Communion, Beniek does not come, and when Ludwik searches for him, he finds his apartment occupied by a new family. A neighbor tells Ludwik they moved to Israel.

In Warszawa in 1980, Ludwik takes a bus to a summer agricultural work program. He sits with his friend Karolina, who often provides him with banned books. She once brought him to a gay bar, angering him as he is not open with his sexuality. At the bar, he heard about a book called Giovanni’s Room, and after tracking it down, he brings it with him to camp. When they arrive, he makes eye contact with Janusz, an attractive boy, and finds that they are in the same work group. That night, Ludwik thinks back to his younger years, when his desires consumed him. He had gone to a park known as a place for gay sex and met a man named Marian, who told him that gay men cannot find love. This is just one of the many reasons he feels shame for his identity.

Ludwik watches Janusz from afar all summer. While out for a walk, Ludwik finds him swimming. Janusz invites him in but Ludwik refuses. They begin to meet often, and Ludwik begins reading Giovanni’s Room. When Janusz sees him reading it, he asks to borrow it, and with a few days left, Ludwik gives it to him. On their last night, Janusz asks Ludwik to come to the lake district with him before going back to the city. On their journey there, Ludwik and Janusz discuss politics and disagree, with Ludwik wanting more freedom and Janusz agreeing with the government and the Party. After being directed by a family on a farm to a secluded lake, the boys find it and go swimming. They openly enjoy each other’s bodies, making Ludwik feel as if these are the first days of his life.

As he writes to Janusz from America, Ludwik thinks of how he listened to Radio Free Europe with his mother and Granny, and how they helped shape his oppositional view of the government by sharing the real history of the Soviet involvement in Poland. He wonders if Janusz’s upbringing made him believe that the Soviets were saviors.

After their time at the lake, Ludwik and Janusz return to the city, committed to each other but unsure of how to pursue their relationship. Janusz starts a job at the Office of Press Control, angering Ludwik, who believes his job is to censor their media. Ludwik wants to leave Poland, to live more freely, but Janusz wants to stay and build a better life. Ludwik, meanwhile, visits a former professor and initiates the process of applying for a PhD in literature. He chooses to write about James Baldwin, though he cannot reference Giovanni’s Room, as it is forbidden.

Janusz and Ludwik go swimming together often, but Janusz often places distance between them, believing it will hurt his status at his job if anyone thinks they are in a relationship. One night, as they argue about his job, they run into Hania, one of Janusz’s friends from the summer, and she asks to see him soon. After this, Janusz is agitated and asks to be alone. After three days of not hearing from him, Ludwik goes to visit him, only to find him preparing for a night out. Janusz says he is going for a drink with his boss, but later that night, Ludwik sees him and Hania holding each other, listening to jazz at a party. Ludwik is crushed.

Ludwik lives with his landlady, Pani Kolecka. The day after seeing Janusz and Hania together, he finds her very ill. He runs around the city, looking for medicine and a doctor, but every place he goes, they tell him he must wait two weeks. Janusz runs into him and offers to help, but Ludwik tells him to go back to “her.” As he walks through the streets, Ludwik sees flyers thrown from a building calling for a protest and grabs as many as he can. That night, he goes to the protest and from the top floor of a building, drops the flyers. Police storm the building, and a lawyer and his assistant hide him in their office.

Ludwik escapes, and the next morning, Janusz comes to his apartment, having made an appointment for Pani Kolecka, saying he has a connection. This convinces Ludwik that maybe they can stay in Poland and have a better life. That Saturday, Janusz brings Ludwik to a party at a fancy house. He is surprised to see Karolina there but disappointed when Hania appears and takes Janusz to dance. It is her and her twin brother Maksio’s house, and it is her birthday party. Ludwik realizes that Hania is Janusz’s connection and accuses him of leading her on. Janusz explains himself, saying that everyone uses everyone. He invites Ludwik to a dinner with them to get to know them better.

The week after the party, Ludwik goes to see the professor, who tells him that his proposal will not be accepted unless he has connections in the Party to help him, even though he has a great proposal. Ludwik then goes to dinner with Janusz, Maksio, and Hania and sees a new level of society in the restaurant. People are dressed in glamorous accessories, buy expensive food, and smoke American cigarettes. Afterward, Hania and Maksio invite Ludwik and Janusz to their country house for the weekend. As they walk away, Ludwik tells Janusz about his proposal. Janusz suggests he ask Hania for help that weekend.

The weekend arrives and Ludwik and Janusz go with Hania and Maksio to their country house. Ludwik is astounded by how nice the house is but is soon discouraged when he sees how close Janusz gets to Hania. On their first night, everyone but Hania and Ludwik go to bed, and she asks him if Janusz has another girl. Ludwik tells her he doesn’t and that he talks about her. He cannot bring himself to ask her for help with his proposal. The next day, Ludwik finds a picture of their father shaking hands with the leader of Poland and finds himself even more conflicted about asking for help from people so involved in the Party he hates. That night, Hania makes soup from poppy stems, and everyone becomes very high. They play naked hide-and-seek, and Maksio finds Janusz and Ludwik kissing. He laughs, and Janusz claims it was a joke and blames Ludwik. Ludwik seeks next and finds Janusz and Hania having sex. He runs away and barely remembers anything else from the night. The next morning, he packs up and leaves.

Ludwik decides to leave Poland. He goes to the Passport Office to obtain a passport and visa. When he meets with an official, the official tells Ludwik that he knows Ludwik is gay, as Marian named him when he was arrested years prior. The official tells Ludwik he has two days to come up with names or he will not receive his passport. Ludwik refuses to give Janusz’s name and goes to see Janusz. Janusz is angry that he left the house without telling anyone. He tells Ludwik that he needs Hania and her father to advance his career and tries to convince him to go along with this kind of life. Ludwik refuses and tells Janusz that he is leaving the country. Janusz is devastated.

Thinking of how to obtain a passport without naming anyone, Ludwik visits Hania and finally asks for her help. She agrees to help him after he tells her that he is being blackmailed. When she asks about what, he admits that he is gay, the first time he has ever told another person he is not involved with. He feels a weight lifted from him when she comforts him. She asks if he loves Janusz, and he tells her that he does, but that Janusz does not know. A few days later, his passport and visa arrive, and he prepares to leave. Before he does, he meets with Karolina at the gay bar, and, finally comfortable there, comes out to her. He tells her about Janusz before breaking the news that he is leaving.

The day before his plane departs, Ludwik runs into Janusz and Hania at a bookstore, and while Hania pays for their books, Ludwik and Janusz step outside. They cannot find any words for each other. Later, Janusz sends Giovanni’s Room back to Ludwik with a note telling him to bring it back someday, and that he will be here. Ludwik arrives in New York. He struggles to acclimate and suffers from homesickness. Six months in, Karolina calls him and tells him that Janusz married Hania and that she is pregnant. Ludwik, who always assumed that sometime in the future they would be together, realizes that time keeps moving without him. He laments never having any good examples of gay couples to teach him and Janusz how to be together.