The Cost of Knowing

Alex Rufus is the protagonist and narrator. The 16-year-old is “five-foot-seven” (9) and has glasses and hair that is “cut short—a fade on the sides and slightly longer coils on top” (11). Alex is his own person while also giving a voice to the stress and pressure that many young Black men bear in silence. His powerful first-person narration shows the reader what it’s like to live with anxiety through visceral descriptions like the following excerpt from Chapter 6: “Another heat wave washes over me. My pulse is still thundering against my ribs” (129). While working to manage his anxiety, the responsible teenager also strives to be a high-achieving student, a diligent employee, an attentive boyfriend, and a protective older brother. Alex’s hard work and dedication are admirable, but they come at a cost to his well-being. He feels unable to open up about his struggles or share his burdens with anyone. In spite of the fear that he lives with on a daily basis, Alex finds the courage to face what frightens him most. By choosing to remain with Isaiah in his last moments, Alex breaks his curse and heals from the way he handled his best friend’s death three years ago.